When you left

"Time fixes everything.", he sighed as he stuffed his cold hands deeper into his pocket and looked hard at the broken road. The bright street light shimmered at the edge of his spectacles like a tiny little fire.
"That is what I'm afraid of", I sobbed. "I'm afraid of time." My head was a whirlwind of despair, threatening to blow away any last dregs of sanity. My body felt leaden and I could hardly move in fear that the slightest change would end these last moments forever.
He wouldn't look at me. He kept scanning the cracks and crevices on the battered old road. "You want me to feel guilty for the rest of my life?"
"No, I'm just so terrified that one day I won't remember your face, I won't remember your eyes. There will come a time when I will have to pause to recall your name. I will lose your memory amongst countless other memories and my best efforts won't be able to breathe life back into them. Then you will be just a string of thought like a torn piece of cloth from a beautiful dress. With each passing moment it will get thinner and thinner until it disappears forever into the unreachable depths of my mind, among the other unimportant things."
The wind howled maliciously, stirring up little whorls of dust. Somewhere, a window banged shut and my heart skipped a beat. "If you love me, you will let me go", he said.
Fear seized me like a deadly disease, creeping it's way to every last corner of my body. I remained perfectly still; wishing that by some divine intervention, time stops at this moment. Wishing that the two of us could be frozen and embedded into this tiny little sliver of time because the next moment will separate us.
The next moment, the process of forgetting will begin. Each and every second that we etched into the gigantic mural of memories will be removed one by one until all I have left is a blank wall. In desperation, I will force myself to draw new moments to cover it's barrenness. As one will get replaced by the other, so will I. The girl standing before him will be shrouded by a carefully painted veil.
"I will never be the same without you", I pleaded as my tears blurred my vision. "I will never be this person again."
As he walked away, disturbing the stillness of things, I continued to cling on to the unmoving piece of land beneath my feet. The world around me gave way to destruction and desolation as the process of destroying my memories began against my will.

Durga

That day, the blood red skies rained fire. The ground shook as mother earth trembled in dread. Weapons clashed like violent bolts of thunder. The deafening cries of death coupled with stench of blood and rotting flesh left no doubt that the netherworlds had risen, all hope was lost.

You stood on top of the hill, unafraid, stoking your lions mane to calm him down. Blood-lust boiled within you both. You scanned the carnage like a hawk until you spotted him; the mighty, the immortal Mahisasur! You smiled to yourself as a shiver of excitement ran through you.

You mounted your lion who descended the hill in giant leaps and bounds. It was a formidable sight! Volleys of arrows rained upon you as he manoeuvred through the battle field. Unflinching you rode on to face your enemy, your destiny.

Mahisasur laughed in glee as you challenged him to a duel. 'No man can kill me and you are a weak insignificant woman, wounded and soaked in blood. Come, embrace your death, it will be quick', he said. Your weapons clashed, splitting the earth and the skies. The universe stood still as you dealt blow after blow. The holy trinity watched with rapt attention as your enemy slowly crumbled below your massive strength.

You killed the invincible Mahisasur with a final stab from your trident. 'You fool, I am no man, I am greater than any man, I am Shakti, I am a woman', you said as fear crept into his dying countenance.

The war was at an end. They fell at your feet, 'Ma', they said. 'Mother, the creator of the universe, have mercy on us'. You swallowed your blood-lust and showed them mercy. You had fulfilled your destiny, you shall be celebrated forever more for your strength and courage.

But then...they invite you for four days then push you into the water. 'Goodbye', they say, 'It's time for you to go, come again next year.' You float away feeling powerless and confused, recalling the day the blood red skies rained fire. But don't you worry, there is a bit of you in every woman and many a demon who no man can kill.       

Prisoner: Chapter 6

"So, when do start?"
Druv shifted uncomfortably in his seat. A request from the King's mistress is not a request at all. It is a royal command. He had never trained women. He didn't even know how. He quickly wiped the beads of sweat from his brow and scratched his balding head. The waistband felt too tight on his pot belly.
"Damini, give him a glass of water.", Payal ordered.
Druv accepted the glass and drowned its contents in one gulp. He took a moment to steady himself.
"Well then, can you answer me now? When do we start?"
"At the earliest, My Lady", sighed Druv.
"All right then, I shall see you tomorrow at dawn."
Druv bowed uncomfortably and took his leave. Payal smiled to herself. I will do all I can to be a fabulous archer. Prithvijit will surely... Her thoughts were interrupted by Damini. "Didi", she said. "A letter from the King". She placed the letter on her bed. "Didi, the runner was um..he was..wondering whether you have a reply to the previous.."
"Not yet, Damini", Payal cut her short. Her voice quivered with fresh onslaught of guilt that swept through her. She needed every possible effort to keep her voice still.
Once Damini had left the room, Payal picked up the letter. The royal seal glistened menacingly in the harsh rays of the sun that filtered into the room. Hesitantly, she opened it.

Payal my beloved, 
                            We are winning, my love! Before long, victory shall be ours. I cannot lie to you. I must confess that I am not as happy as I should be. I am a coward. Yes, I admit it. How can I be happy? I have lost so many who are close to my heart. I shudder at the thought of facing their heartbroken families. I wish this war never started in the first place. Sometimes, I have a great urge to run away. Just abandon everything and leave. I will go to a simple village and lead a simple life. But alas, I will never hold you again. 
                             The land are ruined, razed to the ground. Sometimes, when I venture out, I see the people of this land. The terror in their eyes and the curses on their lips give me nightmares. There is no victor to them, we are all barbarians who condemned them to an inhuman fate. My senses have grown numb from what I witness every day. I wonder if life will ever be the same again. Will I ever be able to shower you with love in the carefree way I used to? Will I even be able to feel the love that you give me? I know not. 
                             Why didn't you reply to my previous letter? Is everything alright? I know, you are angry because I am away for so long. I am so sorry, my angel. I promise you, when I come back I will make up for lost time. Please have mercy on me...

Tears blinded her, making it impossible to go on. 'What is the matter with me?', she thought. 'I will send a message to Druv and cancel my training'.  

Prisioner: Chapter 5

  The smell of flowers filled her senses. She was overcome by the irresistible urge to just hold one in her hand and feel the softness of its petals. She ran as swiftly as her bare feet could carry her, in the direction of the enticing aroma. The sun blinded her momentarily as she came into a clearing. She shielded her eyes with her hands. Once her vision adjusted to the bright brilliance, she beheld an enormous tree, larger than life, covered in tiny white flowers. Her heart lept with a childish joy, as she pelted forward. The grassy floor was strewn with flowers; white with a pink center, the colour slowly fading towards the rim of the petals. She picked one up and gently strokes it. Happiness surged through her veins as she touched it to her cheek. She began to pick up large handfuls of the blossoms and collecting them in the 'anchal' of her white sari. All her pains and worries were gone and she skipped along like a young girl. 
  Suddenly, she tripped on a root and fell face forward. She opened her eyes and gasped in horror, all the flowers had disappeared and she was covered in dust and dirt from head to toe. Tears welled in her eyes as every insecurity she ever had came flooding back to her. She sobbed loudly.
  Someone came and stood before her. He lifted her chin towards him. His bright orange dhoti magnified his flawless fair skin. Black curls encircled his face. His soft brown eyes were calm and composed. He smiled gently. The tears rolled away at his touch and she looked at him helplessly. He slowly bent down towards her, she closed her eyes...

  Payal woke up. A deep hollow feeling crept over her. She closed her eyes again and open them, just to make sure she was awake but she was hoping against hope that she would see Prithvijit again. She pushed herself off the bed and dragged herself to the mirror. In the light of the lamp, she saw her own reflection. How ruined she looked. Her eyes had sunk in, her skin looked dull, her lips had lost colour, her hair was rough. She sighed. Prithvijit's beautiful faced flashed before her eyes. How perfect he looked, like a painting. His angelic eyes, his soft hair, his sculpted straight nose and his full red lips. She recalled the exquisite curve of his back and the lovely contours of his legs. 'How ugly I am', she thought. 'He will never look at me'.
  "Didi", Damini's voice broke her trance. "A letter from the King".
  She walked in and handed her a roll of parchment. Payal took the letter and stared at the glistening royal seal. A sudden pang of guilt passed through her but died out quickly. She carefully kept it away. 'I'll read it another time', she thought, 'when I'm feeling different'.

Prisoner: Chapter 4

  'The sun shines too brightly, the birds are chirping up a storm and the river, oh God! Why does it have to be so loud? And those clouds, will they carry my message to the Raja like they carried the yaksha's in Meghadutam all the way across the country to his wife in Mount Kailash? Then why do they float about and mock me thus?' Payal sighed as she rested her chin against the window sill. The brightness of the day only brought to life the deep, heavy darkness in her heart.
  She looked down into the field. 'What now?', she thought. 'Why are those boys setting up a target there? Can't they find another field to practice archery in? No, no! I want to sulk and cry and moan today, in peace.'
  She closed her eyes and rested her forehead on the cold window sill to block out every last ray of light. 'Good grief! Here they come, to ruin my day.'
  She opened her eyes to see a file of young men each carrying an ornately carved bow walking into the field. They talked and laughed amongst themselves, princes and peasants alike, such was the rule of this kingdom.
  The old archer, Druv, called out to them to fall into position. Payal groaned, 'Druv...Raja himself was trainer by him. This will be a long morning.' She sulked and sighed, rubbing her tired face against her arm.
  "Prithvijit, why don't you come up and set an example for the others?', boomed Druv.
  'Prithvijit! Huh? Who might that be?', Payal looked down and her breath caught in her throat.
  A young man walked towards the target, his feet hardly touching the ground. Soft black curls framed his face and fell on his smooth forehead; his bare chest and shoulders radiated a cool, soothing glow. The rough dhoti, encircling his sculpted waist, could not conceal his muscular thighs which rippled as he walked towards Druv. Payal wanted to look away but she couldn't.
  Druv handed him an arrow. He put it to his bow and pulled it taught. Payal gasped as the muscles on his arms and shoulders rippled in the sunlight. He turned his body slowly and locked his gaze on the target. She felt the tension in his bowstrings resonating in every muscle in her body. She held her breath as her heart thumped deafeningly. With a loud twang he let loose the arrow. Payal ducked below the window involuntarily as she heard it whiz through the air.
  Suddenly, the whole field erupted with cheers. She looked down to see the arrow pierced deep into the middle of the target, quivering slightly. She felt a deep excitement welling up inside her. He was beaming at his friends with a triumphant smile.
  Lost in the excitement, Payal didn't realize that she was in full view. For a split second, he turned his head up towards her. His soft brown eyes locked with her's and he smiled. She felt as if her whole body was on fire, she quickly dropped her gaze and smiled back, unable to bear the intensity of his eyes. She moved away quickly from the window; suddenly aware of her smudged kohl, her unkempt hair and her tarnished jewelery. She took a moment to steady herself and looked out again but he was gone. 

Prisioner: Chapter 3

  "The King's whore", they had shouted from every window on the day she left her father's house for King Suvajit's palace. She could hear their piercing laughter long after the chariot had wheeled away along the dust roads of the village. Today, she heard it again from the Queen.

  "Look Ma", she said, "the King's whore."

  "Rani!", scolded the Queen Mother, shaking her grey curls in warning. "How dare you speak to Payal like that, in my presence!"

  "Payal? Is that your name now? I always imagined harlots to be nameless beings. Tell me demoness, have you brought Rani Ma under your spell too?"
  Payal's gaze remained on the heavily bejeweled Queen; unwavering, unblinking, betraying no emotions.

  "They say you are an Apsara, a heavenly being. They lie! You are a demon from the deepest depths of burning hell!", she shouted, her jewelry clanking noisily as she trembled with rage. "You will bring this kingdom to its knees."

  "I am warning you Rani, don't try my patience too far. Don't forget, I am in charge while the King is away.", said Rani Ma, her eyes burning with rage like hot coals.

  "Ma, stop this nonsense. You let a creature like this come into your royal presence? She sent our King to war, Ma", tears welled up in her angry eyes. 

  "Suvajit will fight for his people Rani, that is his duty, his dharma. You will never understand that, you shallow creature. Payal simply guided him down the path of his destiny. You don't have the gall to do that."

   "You bitch!", she screamed. "Look what you have done. You know magic don't you? Now bring the King back or I will wring you neck right here!"

  She fell upon Payal with hands extended like claws, her teeth barred and a look of fury in her eyes.
  "That's it! Guards!"
  Two dark, muscular guards appeared within seconds of Rani Ma's call. They wrenched the Queen away from the gasping Payal.
  "How dare you? Leave me, I command you!", yelled Rani, trying desperately to attack her again. Her eyes were red and her voice had assumed an inhuman pitch.
  "I warned you Rani", said Rani Ma, calmly. "Guards, take her to her apartments".
  "Listen to me, you cheap little harlot, see this Mahal? Each room houses a rejected queen. Atleast, the King married me and gave me a title, the title of the chief Rani. Do you think you stand a chance against that? One day he will reject you and find a new and more exciting companion. Mark my words, your 'divinity' will slip and on that glorious day, I will drive a sword into your demon heart!" Rani laughed an evil high pitched laugh which was terrible enough to freeze the blood flowing through anyone's veins.
  "Payal, are you alright child?", Rani Ma came and sat beside her, taking her hand in her own.
  "Yes Ma", answered Payal, still rubbing her bruised neck.
  "I am so sorry, tantrums like this are quite the order of the day in this Mahal. The Ranis don't have the poise that befits their title. But, you are brave, my child. You have the resolve that befits royalty. No wonder Suvajit loves you above all."
  "Ma, I am so afraid," Payal's eyes moistened.
  "Fear not my dear. Have faith in destiny, it will take it's own course. I know my son. He will fight alongside his people, knowing that you are waiting for him. You see, he feels too deeply for a King."
  "I know Ma, that is what I fear. I have faith in the Gods but I lose sleep thinking how he suffers the horrors of war."
  "He has found love, my dear. My prayers have been answered. He will come back, a stronger person because he knows that you are his strength."

Prisoner: Chapter 2

  Everything stood perfectly still. There was no wind to ruffle the treetops or make the lamp flame dance. Payal was only sleeping in brief spells. The damp airlessness of the night was making it difficult to breath. Fleeting dreams haunted her during the half asleep-half wakeful state, where she hovered. Her bedclothes, wet with sweat, stuck to her mercilessly as she tossed and turned. "Raja, don't go", she whispered. "Nobody wins a war. I beg you, don't go".
  Damini sat at the foot of the bed and shook her head hopelessly. The nightmares had stopped temporarily, only to be revived by the arrival of the King's letter. "Didi", she called gently as she cried out in her sleep. "Didi, wake up." Payal was yanked free from her dream as she awoke with a start, a look of madness in her eyes which was now quite familiar to Damini.
  "Where is it? Where is it?", she screamed, her voice entwined with insanity.
  Damini was ready with the letter. Payal clutched it to her heart and cried desperately. When the tears ceased, she opened the letter to read it for the hundredth time.

Payal, my love,
                       Gods have surely forsaken this  place. If this isn't hell, what is? The stench of death and rot lies thick in the air, threatening to choke me. All I hear are the deafening clash of weapons and the bone-chilling cries of the dying. My friends and family now lie dead in battle with nobody to perform their last rights, maimed beyond recognition. Often, I have had to plunge my knife into a man's heart in order to put him out of misery. I am responsible for countless deaths. Victory may be ours in the end but the immeasurable loss we have suffered cannot be compensated for. Our bards sing of honour and heroism at war but I tell you now, my love, there is nothing to be proud of here. These sins I commit will haunt me beyond this life. 
                       I too die a new death everyday. I cannot help but admit that I miss you more than I can ever express. When I close my eyes and think of you, I swear I can hear your sweet laughter, the soothing tinkle of you anklet. I can even smell the flowers in your hair. Often I have this vision of you wearing a blood red ghagra and walking through the devastation in the battle field. You bend down and bless each body, sending him to the afterlife. I run to you as fast as I can, you look at me with those kohl laden doe eyes and disappear. The only thing that keeps me sane and helps me to inspire my soldiers everyday is the thought of you waiting for me to return. 
                        Please forgive me, dear Payal, for the pain that I am causing you. I will make up for it in any way that you wish. I fear for your safety even within the palace walls because you are more precious and more beautiful than any jewel in the royal treasury. I only thank God for granting me your undying love. I escape death only to return to your warm arms. My heart is with you, keep it safe.


Your faithful servant,
Raja Suvajit