In your arms it’s my paradise,
In your arms I will close my eyes.
Your arms…the majestic place, the ocean of truth. When I’m in your arms, I lose myself. All my long days of suffering fall away into the deep waters. There is pure calm, ultimate peace.
Then I breathe; I inhale your scent, sweet and masculine. It is like a strange drug which fills my senses. My emotions well up to the surface. Your gentle hands wipe them away.
Your smooth velvet chest, your strong grasp, your gentle strokes; they make this pain bearable; they make this suffering worth it.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Night Before
It is the night before my wedding and I’m sitting on the beach. The sands are shining like pure gold in the soft light of the moon. The sea is turbulent; the waves are rising like fierce, hungry, black monsters against the inky blue sky; soon falling, defeated, into a pool of foam.
The wind was whistling past my ears, bringing a refreshing splash of the sea water, salty and moist. I am nervous and excited, I am afraid; I am unworthy of being your wife.
There have times when I have been immature, irrational; you have always adjusted yourself to fit into my fantasy world. I have cried and you have left everything to share my burden of pain. My tears have moistened your eyes. It surprises me to recall that you have been unable to enjoy anything without my happiness to stand by you.
When I have laughed, I have been oblivious to the joy it brings to you. Yet you have hidden your own pains just to make me laugh, just to make me smile. You have tolerated my hurting words, my grief, my failure, my selfishness. Why?
You have cared for me when I was sick. You have neglected your own health just to nurse me and entertain me through those lonely times on the sick bed. You have shown me hope for a better future, when I will be well and we will meet again.
You have made me woman but inside, I’m a child, who needs your company and your warm, protecting love. You have ignored your tired and weary body and you have played with me, all the childish games that I love to play. I have only urged you play on and you have done all you could to be a part of my game.
You have given me your hand to hold while I’m asleep, you have always silently watched over me, at all times, at all moments.
I still remember the day when you heard about my sickness. Even now you are unable to accept the fact that it is incurable. You have always blamed yourself for my failing health but how do I convince you that you are the drug that keeps me alive?
We have always eaten off each other’s hands, drank of each other’s cups; we have never been complete without each other.
If I have ever been carried away, you have brought me back to the land, just like the sea does. You have taken the blame for all my failure but never the credit for all my successes; which is rightfully yours.
Why do shower me with love that I cannot equal? What have I done to deserve this ultimate blessing from God? How shall I ever be able to meet your unspoken needs? How shall I be your wife, when you have been no less than a God to me?
The waves caress the sands softly, yet intensely. The sea seems like an unending expanse, stretching forever into the unknown; just like your heart. I feel myself to be small and insignificant as I look up at the endless heavens meeting with the endless sea, somewhere far away and I shudder at the shear enormity of God’s power.
The wind was whistling past my ears, bringing a refreshing splash of the sea water, salty and moist. I am nervous and excited, I am afraid; I am unworthy of being your wife.
There have times when I have been immature, irrational; you have always adjusted yourself to fit into my fantasy world. I have cried and you have left everything to share my burden of pain. My tears have moistened your eyes. It surprises me to recall that you have been unable to enjoy anything without my happiness to stand by you.
When I have laughed, I have been oblivious to the joy it brings to you. Yet you have hidden your own pains just to make me laugh, just to make me smile. You have tolerated my hurting words, my grief, my failure, my selfishness. Why?
You have cared for me when I was sick. You have neglected your own health just to nurse me and entertain me through those lonely times on the sick bed. You have shown me hope for a better future, when I will be well and we will meet again.
You have made me woman but inside, I’m a child, who needs your company and your warm, protecting love. You have ignored your tired and weary body and you have played with me, all the childish games that I love to play. I have only urged you play on and you have done all you could to be a part of my game.
You have given me your hand to hold while I’m asleep, you have always silently watched over me, at all times, at all moments.
I still remember the day when you heard about my sickness. Even now you are unable to accept the fact that it is incurable. You have always blamed yourself for my failing health but how do I convince you that you are the drug that keeps me alive?
We have always eaten off each other’s hands, drank of each other’s cups; we have never been complete without each other.
If I have ever been carried away, you have brought me back to the land, just like the sea does. You have taken the blame for all my failure but never the credit for all my successes; which is rightfully yours.
Why do shower me with love that I cannot equal? What have I done to deserve this ultimate blessing from God? How shall I ever be able to meet your unspoken needs? How shall I be your wife, when you have been no less than a God to me?
The waves caress the sands softly, yet intensely. The sea seems like an unending expanse, stretching forever into the unknown; just like your heart. I feel myself to be small and insignificant as I look up at the endless heavens meeting with the endless sea, somewhere far away and I shudder at the shear enormity of God’s power.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The Unwithering Rose
My heart broke into a million pieces as I watched my child, my heart; pick up a withered flower from the ground. His eyes were sad and his head was bowed, as he looked hopelessly at its blackened and drooping petals.
My heart sank as I took the flower from his hands and drew him to me. His lips trembled and a single tear rolled down his tender pink cheek. I placed his head on my shoulder and rocked him to sleep.
Next morning I woke up early and bought the biggest rose I could find and placed it next to his pillow. He awoke and was pleasantly surprised. He held the rose in his hand and laughed delightfully. His eyes sparkled, his cheeks flushed deep red. He played happily all day.
I took a picture of him holding the flower. I was so happy to see his glee. My sunken heart filled with satisfaction and I was relieved to have restored the smile on his face which I yearned for and loved so much. That night I slept peacefully and thanked God for small mercies.
I awoke late next morning with the sound of sobbing. I quickly ran my baby’s side. It was as if an arrow had pierced my heart; in his hand he held a withered rose, its petals breaking off. His tears brought tears to my eyes too, as I picked him up in my arms and rubbed his backed, consoling him. He held me tightly, afraid that one day, I too will wither like the rose in hands.
As I sat before God that night, while my child slept sadly in my arms, I begged Him to give me an un-withering rose. I would place it in my child’s hand he would smile again.
God smiled His serene smile and extended his hand towards me. I took God’s hands and was transported to a beautiful rose garden.
I gasped at the roses of different colours and sizes. Large rose bushes held blooming roses; pink, red, white, yellow and many more colours. I looked upon them in wonder.
I wanted to give each rose to my baby, I wanted to shower him with roses but my heart felt heavy as I knew they would wither and reduce him to heart-wrenching tears.
Running from bush to bush, I searched for the un-withering rose that God had promised me. The sun beat down on my head, making it difficult to carry on. The thorns from the rose bushes tore through my skin and clothes, ripped at my hair as I fruitlessly continued to search for the unearthly object.
Lost and unsuccessful, I lay down on the grass. God came and sat beside me, His serene smile like a gust of cool wind on my sun-beaten face. I asked him to show me the object of my desire as I couldn’t go on any longer.
God took my hand and I was back again in my room, my sleeping child in my arms, cuddling close to me. I could feel his soft breathing and I was filled with helplessness. What would I give him? Where was the un-withering rose?
I was angry and I questioned God, “Where is it my Lord? You promised me!”
God smiled his serene smile and said, “The un-withering rose is your love, my child. Your love for him will never wither; give him your love, the un-withering rose.”
Next morning I woke up and woke my child. I held my hand out towards him. A brilliant smile broke on his lips and sweetly he said, “Mommy.” My heart melted and pulled him to my heart. As I held him close and played quietly with him, listening happily to his chiming laughter, I thanked God for small mercies.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Check out Save Our Tigers | Join the Roar
Title: Save Our Tigers | Join the Roar
Link: http://gotaf.socialtwist.com/redirect?l=698921760102758583161
Please, let us heal the world
Link: http://gotaf.socialtwist.com/redirect?l=698921760102758583161
Please, let us heal the world
Monday, January 18, 2010
The Death Of Radha
She stood on the banks of River Jamuna, the sun beating down on her smooth head, wind blowing her tangled locks of hair. The dried flower petals from the garland around her neck, flew all around, making a small whirl of hopelessness. Her eyes were blinded with tears,her bare feet were sore and dirty, her sari was undone, she was lost to the world...she could only hear the waters of the Jamuna lashing against its banks.
How long had it been since she had danced into the lush green forest along with her sakhis? How many sunsets?
Krishna's words still rang in her ears. He told her thirsty soul to wait for him in the forest, He would come for her, He would erase all her pains.
Radha couldn't sleep, the night before. She tossed and turned and smiled to herself. She combed her long, curly black hair with her fingers, she checked her reflection in the mirror over and over again. Finally she lay on her back and dreamt of their meeting.
Radha was up before morning broke. There was so much to do. Even though she began with the house work as usual, she could not continue as the excitement was piercing her heart and making her unbelievably restless. She finally put down the pale of water and decided t give up.
She painted her eyes with care, she tied her hair in many different ways, but she was not satisfied. She sat in a heap of hairpins and ribbons, sulking. A friendly voice interrupted her mourning as a sakhi appeared at her doorstep. One look at Radha was enough for sakhi to judge the problem. She giggled and put her arms around Radha. She ushered her to wait a moment.
The sakhi returned with all her friends and they began to deck her beautifully with jewelery and flowers. Radha whispered shyly to her sakhis about her fantasies and blushed deep red. When she looked into the mirror, she gasped at her own beauty. She lowered her eyes shyly and beckoned to her friends to accompany her to the forest to witness her divine meeting with Krishna.
They danced and sang on their way. Radha's smile was radiant like the sun. She laughed to her hearts content, her laugh being merrier than the soft tinkle of her earring and anklets. She sat under a large shady tree near the Jamuna, in the clearing. The sakhis gathered around her. Some danced, some sang, some chased each other around the trees while some played in the clear blue waters.
Radha sat quietly making a garland for her beloved. Her dreamy eyes often caused her to prick her finger with the needle. She laughed at herself. She stopped midway and leaned against the bark of the tree and closed her eyes. She was so happy. She awoke with a start when a shower of flower petals fell on her and scream of delighted laughter sounded from a young mischievous sakhi. Radha laughed along...today nothing could go wrong.
Then restlessness grew as the sakhis began to leave. Radha thought to herself, how she will scold Krishna when he arrived. Her ears were strained to hear the sound of his flute but nothing sounded.
She suspected Krishna to be with another woman. Anger mounted as she pictured her beloved in another's arms. She got up and began to pace around. Hot tears came but soon went away as recalled Krishna's sweet voice, promising her a meeting.
Dusk fell, Radha watched the birds flying to their nests. The last sakhi too had left and everything was growing quiet. There were no squirrels, no deer, no birds to play with. Radha was all alone. Darkness enveloped her as she sunk into a drowsy stupor full of thoughts about her love. She was oblivious to the cold, oblivious to the dangers of the forest. Her smile had disappeared, her brow was creased and the flowers had begun to wilt. Yet she believed, Krishna would come.
Morning broke and Radha awoke with the sound a sakhi's voice calling her name. She did not respond as the fresh onset of tears had choked her voice. The sakhi found her sitting in a heap of dried leaves and flowers, her tear stained face also stained with dust from the ground. Sakhi took Radha's miserable face in her hands and tried to wipe her tears but Radha pushed her away. Sakhi tried to explain to her that she was waiting in vain. She should go back to her housework and leave her childish fantasies behind. Radha fell to ground and wept miserably. She refused to go with sakhi. She screamed over and over again that Krishna would come, he had promised.
Sakhi left...again Radha was alone. Breathing heavily with agitation, she began to make a new garland for Krishna. She kept muttering to herself, "Krishna will come, Krishna will come".
Her breaths became slower as dusk fell again. Radha sunk into a fitful sleep. She kept muttering, pleading for Krishna to show himself. Her voice grew louder as the night grew deeper. She awoke just before dawn broke. She screamed and ran from tree to tree, her voice ringing in every corner of the forest. "Where are you My Lord? Why don't you show yourself? Come to me or I shall kill myself". Tears came again and she tripped and fell on the banks of Jamuna.
The first rays of the sun showed her the beautiful blue colour she wanted to see. The koyal's sweet cooing sounded like the sweet music of Krishna's flute. Radha was surprised. She was delighted. She slowly called, "My Lord? My Krishna?". The koyal cooed in return. Her heart filled with joy as she smiled through her tears.
She dragged her tired body up and limped towards the Jamuna. The waves on the river appeared as Krishna's outstretched arms calling to her. Her beat fast, her tears dried up as she stretched her arms out. She stared for a moment at her apparent beloved and thought to herself, 'I'll never let you go, not even in death'. With a sudden surge of joy, she plunged she plunged headfirst into the cool blue water of the Jamuna, into the cool blue arms of her beloved, Krishna.
On the road to Mathura, Krishna ordered his charioteer to stop the chariot. He pelted down from the chariot, looked up at the heavens and screamed out in pain.
How long had it been since she had danced into the lush green forest along with her sakhis? How many sunsets?
Krishna's words still rang in her ears. He told her thirsty soul to wait for him in the forest, He would come for her, He would erase all her pains.
Radha couldn't sleep, the night before. She tossed and turned and smiled to herself. She combed her long, curly black hair with her fingers, she checked her reflection in the mirror over and over again. Finally she lay on her back and dreamt of their meeting.
Radha was up before morning broke. There was so much to do. Even though she began with the house work as usual, she could not continue as the excitement was piercing her heart and making her unbelievably restless. She finally put down the pale of water and decided t give up.
She painted her eyes with care, she tied her hair in many different ways, but she was not satisfied. She sat in a heap of hairpins and ribbons, sulking. A friendly voice interrupted her mourning as a sakhi appeared at her doorstep. One look at Radha was enough for sakhi to judge the problem. She giggled and put her arms around Radha. She ushered her to wait a moment.
The sakhi returned with all her friends and they began to deck her beautifully with jewelery and flowers. Radha whispered shyly to her sakhis about her fantasies and blushed deep red. When she looked into the mirror, she gasped at her own beauty. She lowered her eyes shyly and beckoned to her friends to accompany her to the forest to witness her divine meeting with Krishna.
They danced and sang on their way. Radha's smile was radiant like the sun. She laughed to her hearts content, her laugh being merrier than the soft tinkle of her earring and anklets. She sat under a large shady tree near the Jamuna, in the clearing. The sakhis gathered around her. Some danced, some sang, some chased each other around the trees while some played in the clear blue waters.
Radha sat quietly making a garland for her beloved. Her dreamy eyes often caused her to prick her finger with the needle. She laughed at herself. She stopped midway and leaned against the bark of the tree and closed her eyes. She was so happy. She awoke with a start when a shower of flower petals fell on her and scream of delighted laughter sounded from a young mischievous sakhi. Radha laughed along...today nothing could go wrong.
Then restlessness grew as the sakhis began to leave. Radha thought to herself, how she will scold Krishna when he arrived. Her ears were strained to hear the sound of his flute but nothing sounded.
She suspected Krishna to be with another woman. Anger mounted as she pictured her beloved in another's arms. She got up and began to pace around. Hot tears came but soon went away as recalled Krishna's sweet voice, promising her a meeting.
Dusk fell, Radha watched the birds flying to their nests. The last sakhi too had left and everything was growing quiet. There were no squirrels, no deer, no birds to play with. Radha was all alone. Darkness enveloped her as she sunk into a drowsy stupor full of thoughts about her love. She was oblivious to the cold, oblivious to the dangers of the forest. Her smile had disappeared, her brow was creased and the flowers had begun to wilt. Yet she believed, Krishna would come.
Morning broke and Radha awoke with the sound a sakhi's voice calling her name. She did not respond as the fresh onset of tears had choked her voice. The sakhi found her sitting in a heap of dried leaves and flowers, her tear stained face also stained with dust from the ground. Sakhi took Radha's miserable face in her hands and tried to wipe her tears but Radha pushed her away. Sakhi tried to explain to her that she was waiting in vain. She should go back to her housework and leave her childish fantasies behind. Radha fell to ground and wept miserably. She refused to go with sakhi. She screamed over and over again that Krishna would come, he had promised.
Sakhi left...again Radha was alone. Breathing heavily with agitation, she began to make a new garland for Krishna. She kept muttering to herself, "Krishna will come, Krishna will come".
Her breaths became slower as dusk fell again. Radha sunk into a fitful sleep. She kept muttering, pleading for Krishna to show himself. Her voice grew louder as the night grew deeper. She awoke just before dawn broke. She screamed and ran from tree to tree, her voice ringing in every corner of the forest. "Where are you My Lord? Why don't you show yourself? Come to me or I shall kill myself". Tears came again and she tripped and fell on the banks of Jamuna.
The first rays of the sun showed her the beautiful blue colour she wanted to see. The koyal's sweet cooing sounded like the sweet music of Krishna's flute. Radha was surprised. She was delighted. She slowly called, "My Lord? My Krishna?". The koyal cooed in return. Her heart filled with joy as she smiled through her tears.
She dragged her tired body up and limped towards the Jamuna. The waves on the river appeared as Krishna's outstretched arms calling to her. Her beat fast, her tears dried up as she stretched her arms out. She stared for a moment at her apparent beloved and thought to herself, 'I'll never let you go, not even in death'. With a sudden surge of joy, she plunged she plunged headfirst into the cool blue water of the Jamuna, into the cool blue arms of her beloved, Krishna.
On the road to Mathura, Krishna ordered his charioteer to stop the chariot. He pelted down from the chariot, looked up at the heavens and screamed out in pain.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
My Life, My Death
I was sure that I was dreaming, yet I didn't want to believe it at first. It was dark all around except for a spot light, it was focused on a small baby. It was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen and I knew she was mine.
She was sitting on the floor and playing quietly; a strange, sweet game that only she understood. I looked at her and my heart ached with helpless affection. I stared adoringly at my baby. She played on and watched her with, caressing her sweet form with my eyes.
Suddenly, she looked up at me, as if some sudden sound had distracted her. That was when I saw her beautiful face, the face of an angel. Dark curly hair surrounded her tender, soft face; black enough to match her shining ebony eyes; lined with a thick line of kajal. She was wearing a soft pink frock which made her fair skin look as if it were the finest, softest, smoothest, sweetest material. Her rounded hands were so perfect that I wanted to touch and feel whether it was real. Her cheeks flushed a deep shade of crimson as her rosy lips pulled into a heart-wrenching, toothless smile. My heart melted. I felt tears of joy crowding my eyes and I wiped them away to reveal a smile too.
She seemed delighted and started making sweet cooing noises to make me happy. I was so happy that I thought my heart would burst. I could see God through her gentle body. I was oblivious of everything and I wanted to be this way forever.
Then, something happened. My baby looked behind her with scared, foreboding eyes.When she looked at me again, her lower lip was trembling, her eyes had lost the sparkle and looked sad, she longingly stretched out both her fair arms towards me. My heart was suddenly very sad. I wanted to hold her and remove whatever was paining her. I wanted to give her all my warmth, all my love and comfort. I too stretched my hands out towards her, to lift her carefully into my arms.
All of a sudden there was light everywhere to my surprise, I was in a room full of mirrors. Every mirror reflected my baby crying and reaching out to me. I was in a state to panic as ran to image after image to find myself hitting painfully against the shining glass. The sound of my baby's cry, full of agony, tore my heart into bits and I was ready to do anything to restore that smile on her face. I was running like crazy, from mirror to mirror. A scream built up inside me and I clenched my eyelids close and screamed out loud and fell to floor.
When I opened my eyes I was lying on a fluffy soft bed and the sound of soft breathing filled my ears. I turned to my side and saw my baby asleep next to me. I sighed with relief, rubbed my face against her soft smooth stomach, I felt her small chest heave as she breathed slowly. She looked ever so peaceful. My lips found her forehead and kissed her deeply. She stirred slowly, in her sleep and held me close to her. Again I was at perfect bliss. I enjoyed the warmth of her perfect body as I held her close and I knew nothing more of the world.
With a sudden jerk, two strong pair of hands pulled my baby away from my arms. I stared i disbelief as she disappeared into the darkness. I fell, empty and lonely onto the side were she was lying and I didn't want to live anymore, this world meant nothing to me.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
~~~~Little Baby~~~~
He lifted up the baby and placed it on my lap. His face was radiant as he saw the baby in my arms. I looked down at small naked infant cradling close to me and I completely lost myself. It must have several minutes that the baby and I gazed at each others face. We both looked upon the other with a feeling of wonder.
My eyes slowly traced the baby's face, its small hands and feet. Then my eyes locked with his. That was moment I will never forget in my entire life. I felt, the baby and I somehow knew each other. There was a clear look of recognition in his wide open eyes. Through those eyes I first saw pure innocence, pure vulnerability. He seemed to call out to me for love and protection, he seemed to appeal to me in every sweet way to provide him warmth. It felt as if this adorable little thing in my arms was a tight little bag of the sweetest emotions, maybe some which were unknown to me.
There was sudden urge inside me to protect him, to keep him so close to me that no one could even touch him. After all he was mine. He was looking to me for love and protection in this new world. I wanted to preserve his little heart full of sweet emotions forever. I wanted those eyes to look up at me like that forever. I wanted to him to call out to me silently for love, just like this. Also, I wanted to give him the love he needed, that he didn't even know that he needed. Thinking all this, I held him close to my heart and closed my eyes.
Suddenly someone took him from my arms. I gasped as emptiness closed around me like deep, dense darkness. I looked helplessly as she carried the baby to his bed. I wanted to scream out loud, "He needs me, please, give back to me! He will be cold without me, he will be scared and lonely". I was suddenly morose.
Then a realization came upon me. God has sent this baby to this world and not to me alone. Thinking that, I was filled with peace and I sank into a deep, comfortable sleep.
My eyes slowly traced the baby's face, its small hands and feet. Then my eyes locked with his. That was moment I will never forget in my entire life. I felt, the baby and I somehow knew each other. There was a clear look of recognition in his wide open eyes. Through those eyes I first saw pure innocence, pure vulnerability. He seemed to call out to me for love and protection, he seemed to appeal to me in every sweet way to provide him warmth. It felt as if this adorable little thing in my arms was a tight little bag of the sweetest emotions, maybe some which were unknown to me.
There was sudden urge inside me to protect him, to keep him so close to me that no one could even touch him. After all he was mine. He was looking to me for love and protection in this new world. I wanted to preserve his little heart full of sweet emotions forever. I wanted those eyes to look up at me like that forever. I wanted to him to call out to me silently for love, just like this. Also, I wanted to give him the love he needed, that he didn't even know that he needed. Thinking all this, I held him close to my heart and closed my eyes.
Suddenly someone took him from my arms. I gasped as emptiness closed around me like deep, dense darkness. I looked helplessly as she carried the baby to his bed. I wanted to scream out loud, "He needs me, please, give back to me! He will be cold without me, he will be scared and lonely". I was suddenly morose.
Then a realization came upon me. God has sent this baby to this world and not to me alone. Thinking that, I was filled with peace and I sank into a deep, comfortable sleep.
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