My Life, My Death

I was sure that I was dreaming, yet I didn't want to believe it at first. It was dark all around except for a spot light, it was focused on a small baby. It was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen and I knew she was mine.

She was sitting on the floor and playing quietly; a strange, sweet game that only she understood. I looked at her and my heart ached with helpless affection. I stared adoringly at my baby. She played on and watched her with, caressing her sweet form with my eyes.

Suddenly, she looked up at me, as if some sudden sound had distracted her. That was when I saw her beautiful face, the face of an angel. Dark curly hair surrounded her tender, soft face; black enough to match her shining ebony eyes; lined with a thick line of kajal. She was wearing a soft pink frock which made her fair skin look as if it were the finest, softest, smoothest, sweetest material. Her rounded hands were so perfect that I wanted to touch and feel whether it was real. Her cheeks flushed a deep shade of crimson as her rosy lips pulled into a heart-wrenching, toothless smile. My heart melted. I felt tears of joy crowding my eyes and I wiped them away to reveal a smile too.

She seemed delighted and started making sweet cooing noises to make me happy. I was so happy that I thought my heart would burst. I could see God through her gentle body. I was oblivious of everything and I wanted to be this way forever.

Then, something happened. My baby looked behind her with scared, foreboding eyes.When she looked at me again, her lower lip was trembling, her eyes had lost the sparkle and looked sad, she longingly stretched out both her fair arms towards me. My heart was suddenly very sad. I wanted to hold her and remove whatever was paining her. I wanted to give her all my warmth, all my love and comfort. I too stretched my hands out towards her, to lift her carefully into my arms.

All of a sudden there was light everywhere to my surprise, I was in a room full of mirrors. Every mirror reflected my baby crying and reaching out to me. I was in a state to panic as ran to image after image to find myself hitting painfully against the shining glass. The sound of my baby's cry, full of agony, tore my heart into bits and I was ready to do anything to restore that smile on her face. I was running like crazy, from mirror to mirror. A scream built up inside me and I clenched my eyelids close and screamed out loud and fell to floor.

When I opened my eyes I was lying on a fluffy soft bed and the sound of soft breathing filled my ears. I turned to my side and saw my baby asleep next to me. I sighed with relief, rubbed my face against her soft smooth stomach, I felt her small chest heave as she breathed slowly. She looked ever so peaceful. My lips found her forehead and kissed her deeply. She stirred slowly, in her sleep and held me close to her. Again I was at perfect bliss. I enjoyed the warmth of her perfect body as I held her close and I knew nothing more of the world.

With a sudden jerk, two strong pair of hands pulled my baby away from my arms. I stared i disbelief as she disappeared into the darkness. I fell, empty and lonely onto the side were she was lying and I didn't want to live anymore, this world meant nothing to me.

~~~~Little Baby~~~~

He lifted up the baby and placed it on my lap. His face was radiant as he saw the baby in my arms. I looked down at small naked infant cradling close to me and I completely lost myself. It must have several minutes that the baby and I gazed at each others face. We both looked upon the other with a feeling of wonder.

My eyes slowly traced the baby's face, its small hands and feet. Then my eyes locked with his. That was moment I will never forget in my entire life. I felt, the baby and I somehow knew each other. There was a clear look of recognition in his wide open eyes. Through those eyes I first saw pure innocence, pure vulnerability. He seemed to call out to me for love and protection, he seemed to appeal to me in every sweet way to provide him warmth. It felt as if this adorable little thing in my arms was a tight little bag of the sweetest emotions, maybe some which were unknown to me.

There was sudden urge inside me to protect him, to keep him so close to me that no one could even touch him. After all he was mine. He was looking to me for love and protection in this new world. I wanted to preserve his little heart full of sweet emotions forever. I wanted those eyes to look up at me like that forever. I wanted to him to call out to me silently for love, just like this. Also, I wanted to give him the love he needed, that he didn't even know that he needed. Thinking all this, I held him close to my heart and closed my eyes.
Suddenly someone took him from my arms. I gasped as emptiness closed around me like deep, dense darkness. I looked helplessly as she carried the baby to his bed. I wanted to scream out loud, "He needs me, please, give back to me! He will be cold without me, he will be scared and lonely". I was suddenly morose.

Then a realization came upon me. God has sent this baby to this world and not to me alone. Thinking that, I was filled with peace and I sank into a deep, comfortable sleep.