In Your Arms

In your arms it’s my paradise,

In your arms I will close my eyes.

Your arms…the majestic place, the ocean of truth. When I’m in your arms, I lose myself. All my long days of suffering fall away into the deep waters. There is pure calm, ultimate peace.
Then I breathe; I inhale your scent, sweet and masculine. It is like a strange drug which fills my senses. My emotions well up to the surface. Your gentle hands wipe them away.
Your smooth velvet chest, your strong grasp, your gentle strokes; they make this pain bearable; they make this suffering worth it.

The Night Before

It is the night before my wedding and I’m sitting on the beach. The sands are shining like pure gold in the soft light of the moon. The sea is turbulent; the waves are rising like fierce, hungry, black monsters against the inky blue sky; soon falling, defeated, into a pool of foam.
The wind was whistling past my ears, bringing a refreshing splash of the sea water, salty and moist. I am nervous and excited, I am afraid; I am unworthy of being your wife.
There have times when I have been immature, irrational; you have always adjusted yourself to fit into my fantasy world. I have cried and you have left everything to share my burden of pain. My tears have moistened your eyes. It surprises me to recall that you have been unable to enjoy anything without my happiness to stand by you.
When I have laughed, I have been oblivious to the joy it brings to you. Yet you have hidden your own pains just to make me laugh, just to make me smile. You have tolerated my hurting words, my grief, my failure, my selfishness. Why?
You have cared for me when I was sick. You have neglected your own health just to nurse me and entertain me through those lonely times on the sick bed. You have shown me hope for a better future, when I will be well and we will meet again.
You have made me woman but inside, I’m a child, who needs your company and your warm, protecting love. You have ignored your tired and weary body and you have played with me, all the childish games that I love to play. I have only urged you play on and you have done all you could to be a part of my game.
You have given me your hand to hold while I’m asleep, you have always silently watched over me, at all times, at all moments.
I still remember the day when you heard about my sickness. Even now you are unable to accept the fact that it is incurable. You have always blamed yourself for my failing health but how do I convince you that you are the drug that keeps me alive?
We have always eaten off each other’s hands, drank of each other’s cups; we have never been complete without each other.
If I have ever been carried away, you have brought me back to the land, just like the sea does. You have taken the blame for all my failure but never the credit for all my successes; which is rightfully yours.
Why do shower me with love that I cannot equal? What have I done to deserve this ultimate blessing from God? How shall I ever be able to meet your unspoken needs? How shall I be your wife, when you have been no less than a God to me?
The waves caress the sands softly, yet intensely. The sea seems like an unending expanse, stretching forever into the unknown; just like your heart. I feel myself to be small and insignificant as I look up at the endless heavens meeting with the endless sea, somewhere far away and I shudder at the shear enormity of God’s power.

The Unwithering Rose

My heart broke into a million pieces as I watched my child, my heart; pick up a withered flower from the ground. His eyes were sad and his head was bowed, as he looked hopelessly at its blackened and drooping petals.

My heart sank as I took the flower from his hands and drew him to me. His lips trembled and a single tear rolled down his tender pink cheek. I placed his head on my shoulder and rocked him to sleep.

Next morning I woke up early and bought the biggest rose I could find and placed it next to his pillow. He awoke and was pleasantly surprised. He held the rose in his hand and laughed delightfully. His eyes sparkled, his cheeks flushed deep red. He played happily all day.

I took a picture of him holding the flower. I was so happy to see his glee. My sunken heart filled with satisfaction and I was relieved to have restored the smile on his face which I yearned for and loved so much. That night I slept peacefully and thanked God for small mercies.

I awoke late next morning with the sound of sobbing. I quickly ran my baby’s side. It was as if an arrow had pierced my heart; in his hand he held a withered rose, its petals breaking off. His tears brought tears to my eyes too, as I picked him up in my arms and rubbed his backed, consoling him. He held me tightly, afraid that one day, I too will wither like the rose in hands.

As I sat before God that night, while my child slept sadly in my arms, I begged Him to give me an un-withering rose. I would place it in my child’s hand he would smile again.
God smiled His serene smile and extended his hand towards me. I took God’s hands and was transported to a beautiful rose garden.
I gasped at the roses of different colours and sizes. Large rose bushes held blooming roses; pink, red, white, yellow and many more colours. I looked upon them in wonder.

I wanted to give each rose to my baby, I wanted to shower him with roses but my heart felt heavy as I knew they would wither and reduce him to heart-wrenching tears.
Running from bush to bush, I searched for the un-withering rose that God had promised me. The sun beat down on my head, making it difficult to carry on. The thorns from the rose bushes tore through my skin and clothes, ripped at my hair as I fruitlessly continued to search for the unearthly object.

Lost and unsuccessful, I lay down on the grass. God came and sat beside me, His serene smile like a gust of cool wind on my sun-beaten face. I asked him to show me the object of my desire as I couldn’t go on any longer.
God took my hand and I was back again in my room, my sleeping child in my arms, cuddling close to me. I could feel his soft breathing and I was filled with helplessness. What would I give him? Where was the un-withering rose?
I was angry and I questioned God, “Where is it my Lord? You promised me!”
God smiled his serene smile and said, “The un-withering rose is your love, my child. Your love for him will never wither; give him your love, the un-withering rose.”
Next morning I woke up and woke my child. I held my hand out towards him. A brilliant smile broke on his lips and sweetly he said, “Mommy.” My heart melted and pulled him to my heart. As I held him close and played quietly with him, listening happily to his chiming laughter, I thanked God for small mercies.

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